Step Back and Focus

by madcrasher

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released April 29, 2014

Written and produced by Evan Hildreth (c) 2013




madcrasher Greenville, South Carolina

There is no bio. A bio implies there is, in fact, a story to be told and that this is not, in fact, just some guy messing around on his computer.

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Track Name: For Brittany
How long has it been
Since I last put pen to paper
All this digital stuff won't allow me to savor
All the rhymes and meanings stuffed in the words
Oh, who am I kidding, I know it's absurd
To pin this on anything but laziness, my
Inherent craziness, but tell me this:
How many clichés do I have to spit
Before I find my groove and can write to it?
Maybe if I could get a clear picture in my mind
Then again, you've always been hard to define
Falling back on things like "She's funny and smart"
Or "She regularly beats me in Mario Kart"
The ebilskivers, or the thin mint ice cream,
and the lemon pepper chicken that fell out of a dream
And the banana pudding... You know I'd go on
If your food was the only point to this song, but
I haven't gotten to your way with words
How you're more encouraging than any song that I've heard
How you do your best to pull me out my deepest funks
Me crying on your shoulder, you dealing with my junk
How you've got great timing you don't try to hide
Quoting Baby Mama to my Princess Bride
How you point me to God when I can't find my way
How you try to smile even though we're both having
A bad day. I love you, simple as that.
No clue why it takes me so long just to say it.
I don't show you nearly as much as you deserve
Shout it from the rooftops, making it heard
That my wife is awesome! She'll leave you toasted
Quicker than you can say "Boom, roasted!"
She's the best there is, I can't imagine more
She's more than a girl, she's someone I'll die for
I guess what I'm saying or trying to show
Is I don't regret that drive two years ago
3 hours singing Caedmon's "Mistake of my Life"
Going to ask out a girl that could become my wife
Look where God's brought us and we're not stopping yet
New things to try, new dreams to get,
My time's 'bout up, so I'll just say
To my bride, my nrrd grrl: Happy birthday.
Track Name: North Wind
Wake up from a fitful night
Let my eyes adjust to the light of
Another day that I'm stumbling through
Trying to work out what I'm meant to do in
This foreign land that I'm trapped inside
Familiarity leaves a place to hide
All the things I know that I won't let go
That steal everything I know

Can I find my way
Back to where you are?
Could the gap between
Us have grown to far?
Feels like I've been
In this place too long,
But I know for sure
That I don't belong...

No landmarks to guide my way
Can't follow stars in the heat of the day
Directional sense is out of line and
Wandering feels like wasting time
Standing still could be a new view, but
It's the one thing that I can't do
Wanting so hard to right this wrong yet
So afraid to belong...

The north wind wakes my mind
Tells me of a place to find
Beyond this world I can only see
Beyond this choking complacency
The road ahead seems hard but yet
My mind's made up, my will is set
For this confirms what I've always known:
This world is not my home...
Track Name: Grow Up
I've put this off for far too long
Content to let myself be dragged along
While the world runs along at its crazy pace
And I'm stuck wondering how I can get out of this place
I built myself out of dreams and aspirations
That don't come true when I don't lay the foundations
Painful introspection shows its cost
As I look back on all the time that I lost, and I know that
I'm not as skilled as I thought I'd be
I'm not quite as mature as I hoped I'd be
So when it all adds up it's plain for me to see
I'm not nearly the adult that I need to be
So I find myself having to move from
Who I used to be to who I must become
Real life is hard, but there's no time to give up
Because my childhood is over; it's time to grow up.

But too easily, what I try to pass as wisdom
Ends up just being sophomoric cynicism
Try to shortcut maturity without taking the time
To learn why things are the way they are in this grind
Sound familiar? It's gotta be the same tale
That hits everyone in my generation without fail
And while I want to be above I know that doesn't hold true
Because I feel that sense of entitlement seeping through
Does my dissatisfaction give me the right to complain?
Is contentment something I have to maintain?
Am I being a punk, do I sound like a jerk
When I wish being happy didn't take all this work?
I've learned this before and I'm learning again:
If things are gonna change it's gotta come from within.
I've got help on the sidelines to give a hand up
Time to stop all this moping around and grow up.

I want to be a man; still feel like a boy
Like I'm letting all the little things steal my joy
And I find myself spiraling down almost daily
This self-inflicted vicious cycle that I've made me
I know that I've failed my friends so many times
Will their forgiveness cover all my numerous crimes?
I was once most dependable, responsible, a leader;
Can I rise up again, or am I stuck a bottom feeder?
Can I really be the man that my wife sees in me?
Can I make this the reset I've wished this could be?
Can I end the paralysis that infects my life?
Can I find the sure footing off the edge of this knife?
Maybe questions like this need more than just talk
Enough questioning myself; time to get up and walk.
Crack my wrists, crack my knuckles, brace for the fight
Step back, focus... let's do this right.