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Step Back and Focus

by madcrasher

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1.
For Brittany 01:36
How long has it been Since I last put pen to paper All this digital stuff won't allow me to savor All the rhymes and meanings stuffed in the words Oh, who am I kidding, I know it's absurd To pin this on anything but laziness, my Inherent craziness, but tell me this: How many clichés do I have to spit Before I find my groove and can write to it? Maybe if I could get a clear picture in my mind Then again, you've always been hard to define Falling back on things like "She's funny and smart" Or "She regularly beats me in Mario Kart" The ebilskivers, or the thin mint ice cream, and the lemon pepper chicken that fell out of a dream And the banana pudding... You know I'd go on If your food was the only point to this song, but I haven't gotten to your way with words How you're more encouraging than any song that I've heard How you do your best to pull me out my deepest funks Me crying on your shoulder, you dealing with my junk How you've got great timing you don't try to hide Quoting Baby Mama to my Princess Bride How you point me to God when I can't find my way How you try to smile even though we're both having A bad day. I love you, simple as that. No clue why it takes me so long just to say it. I don't show you nearly as much as you deserve Shout it from the rooftops, making it heard That my wife is awesome! She'll leave you toasted Quicker than you can say "Boom, roasted!" She's the best there is, I can't imagine more She's more than a girl, she's someone I'll die for I guess what I'm saying or trying to show Is I don't regret that drive two years ago 3 hours singing Caedmon's "Mistake of my Life" Going to ask out a girl that could become my wife Look where God's brought us and we're not stopping yet New things to try, new dreams to get, My time's 'bout up, so I'll just say To my bride, my nrrd grrl: Happy birthday.
2.
3.
North Wind 05:02
Wake up from a fitful night Let my eyes adjust to the light of Another day that I'm stumbling through Trying to work out what I'm meant to do in This foreign land that I'm trapped inside Familiarity leaves a place to hide All the things I know that I won't let go That steal everything I know Can I find my way Back to where you are? Could the gap between Us have grown to far? Feels like I've been In this place too long, But I know for sure That I don't belong... No landmarks to guide my way Can't follow stars in the heat of the day Directional sense is out of line and Wandering feels like wasting time Standing still could be a new view, but It's the one thing that I can't do Wanting so hard to right this wrong yet So afraid to belong... The north wind wakes my mind Tells me of a place to find Beyond this world I can only see Beyond this choking complacency The road ahead seems hard but yet My mind's made up, my will is set For this confirms what I've always known: This world is not my home...
4.
Grow Up 02:54
I've put this off for far too long Content to let myself be dragged along While the world runs along at its crazy pace And I'm stuck wondering how I can get out of this place I built myself out of dreams and aspirations That don't come true when I don't lay the foundations Painful introspection shows its cost As I look back on all the time that I lost, and I know that I'm not as skilled as I thought I'd be I'm not quite as mature as I hoped I'd be So when it all adds up it's plain for me to see I'm not nearly the adult that I need to be So I find myself having to move from Who I used to be to who I must become Real life is hard, but there's no time to give up Because my childhood is over; it's time to grow up. But too easily, what I try to pass as wisdom Ends up just being sophomoric cynicism Try to shortcut maturity without taking the time To learn why things are the way they are in this grind Sound familiar? It's gotta be the same tale That hits everyone in my generation without fail And while I want to be above I know that doesn't hold true Because I feel that sense of entitlement seeping through Does my dissatisfaction give me the right to complain? Is contentment something I have to maintain? Am I being a punk, do I sound like a jerk When I wish being happy didn't take all this work? I've learned this before and I'm learning again: If things are gonna change it's gotta come from within. I've got help on the sidelines to give a hand up Time to stop all this moping around and grow up. I want to be a man; still feel like a boy Like I'm letting all the little things steal my joy And I find myself spiraling down almost daily This self-inflicted vicious cycle that I've made me I know that I've failed my friends so many times Will their forgiveness cover all my numerous crimes? I was once most dependable, responsible, a leader; Can I rise up again, or am I stuck a bottom feeder? Can I really be the man that my wife sees in me? Can I make this the reset I've wished this could be? Can I end the paralysis that infects my life? Can I find the sure footing off the edge of this knife? Maybe questions like this need more than just talk Enough questioning myself; time to get up and walk. Crack my wrists, crack my knuckles, brace for the fight Step back, focus... let's do this right.
5.

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released April 29, 2014

Written and produced by Evan Hildreth (c) 2013

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madcrasher Greenville, South Carolina

There is no bio. A bio implies there is, in fact, a story to be told and that this is not, in fact, just some guy messing around on his computer.

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